Thursday 5 April 2007

Meeting the new family

Two weeks later I went to the Dundalk Baptist Centre with Caroline. It was wonderful! It was just lovely! Never before had I heard grown men and women pray and talk with such love and softness in their voices, as they talked on a one-to-one basis with God. It really touched me. They didn’t rhyme off long impersonal prayers like I had been used to hearing. It was nothing compared to the mass I had attended in years past. I had begun to think there was no peace to be had, and that any peace and happiness that I had had in my life was in the past and gone for good. Listening to these people praying and singing uplifted me, but it also had the opposite effect on me, as it reinforced just how much my life lacked grace and beauty, peace and contentment. I felt that every wrongdoing I ever did was written across my face for all to see. I felt my sins so keenly that I thought all someone had to do was look at me to see them. When the service was over Caroline paused to introduce me to some of the people but I looked at her and said no. When I saw her face drop, I hastened to tell her that it wasn’t that I was being unfriendly, but that I might start crying and I had to leave. I spent the remainder of the day with Caroline and her sons feeling happy and contented and looking forward to the evening service. I did return that evening and again I felt light-hearted and at peace with myself, but also, there was a feeling of brokenness and a deep sadness lying heavily on me.

A day or two later I got my mother’s old Bible and thought I might glance through it. I hadn’t looked at a Bible in years let alone read one but after reading some of the New Testament for a short while I laid my two hands on it and said out loud, ‘This is exactly what I have been looking for all these years!’ I felt full of wonder. All of a sudden I knew that everything in this book was true. I knew there was a God. I believed in Jesus. I know it sounds like such a cliché, but I started to cry with happiness. I can’t put on paper and describe to you the huge significance of this revelation. It was such a revelation to me. God had revealed it to me.

Up to this point in my life I only just believed that God was real, just enough to be saved, 'faith the size as a mustard seed' as the bible says, but now, for the first time, I felt His real presence in me. This was amazing to me! For years I was told that God was real, but it wasn’t until God choose to show Himself to me, save me and reveal HImself through His word that I knew it for sure!

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