Wednesday 4 April 2007

Talking - and listening - to God

A couple of days before I flew over I got word from my Solicitor that Sean’s grandmother was planning to sell my home and put the money into a trust for Sean. Because his father and I had not been married when he died, and my son was not yet born, she was next-of-kin and therefore she became administrator of the estate. Suffice to say I was very angry and planned to fight this decision in court. I had sold my own house in Dublin and invested the monies from that sale into this house and there was no way I was going to allow anybody to take my home from me. Whilst in America, I prayed and prayed to God about it. I was at my wits end and eventually said to God that I didn’t know what to do anymore and whatever He wanted me to do I would do it, but that He must make His will very clear to me. Up until then every time I asked God for advice on something I always got a clear response, so by this stage I had learned to trust Him. One of the first things I had begun to learn in the States was that God is in control of everything in my life and that I must trust myself to Him and not fight His will. His plan for me, without question, is perfect and totally beneficial to me. Therefore, regardless to how hard it is sometimes to trust Him in certain areas, I do, and will continue to seek His will in my life and obey it. So when He did answer me, He had me prepared for the task ahead. He made it very clear that I was to let the whole thing go. I phoned my Solicitor in Ireland and cancelled my instructions regarding the house and did what God led me to do. I immediately felt as if a huge burden had been removed from me. I cannot describe the peace I felt. Not once since then, even when I had to explain my actions to my family (who on the whole did not agree with my decision) have I regretted it. I trust God completely. I don’t have to know what plans He has for me. I know they will be in my best interest. It’s clear to me that God is doing a much better job directing my life than I have ever done!

Because God had given me direction with regards to the situation with the house, I began to pray about Sean’s grandmother trying to get access to see Sean. This was more worrying for me because at the end of the day, a house is only bricks and mortar; but my son is my son. I didn’t want his grandmother near him and would have gone to any lengths to keep her away.

I took courage, prayed, and said that I would do whatever God told me to do. Again I got very clear instructions. I was to leave it in His hands. I was to behave in a way that was honourable. I could not bring up things in court that would discredit her, even if what I would say about her was true. God was clearly instructing me to back down. Again and again God showed me Proverbs 11: 16, ‘A gracious woman retains honour.’ I accepted God’s will in the matter and again I felt very much at peace with myself afterwards.

No comments: